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16- Insecurity and loneliness


#345
Well this is disappointing. I haven’t seen that idiot for quite a while now and he hasn’t updated his blog for past few weeks. I am in need of his poems. Life has been hard for me with the passing of my father. It doesn’t get any better with his absence or let’s say the absence of his words. I have no idea what to do right now but hey one good thing; I’ve joined art class now and I’ll be starting it from coming Wednesday. I wonder how I’ll do. Hehe. My teacher’s name is Babu and yes he is quite old but well someone I don’t even know, someone named Sacar suggested me this when I put up a post-it on the notice board saying “in need of an art teacher. Those who know any good one can e-mail me at seul.voyager@gmail.com (a/n*) and if anyone of you tries to e-mail me needlessly, I’ll find you and well deal with you in my own way. Anyway, peace out. Hehe” and got an e-mail from someone named Sacar. Apparently he once took a note of English from me so I kinda had his e-mail saved. Can’t remember the face though. anyway NEED OF POEMS FROM ROI DE SCURO.
-Halo
“wait he’s not here again???” Shrisha says to Sacar one evening “like he’s been at home for almost like two weeks now” to which Sacar replies “well he has to work and he doesn’t have a job-job like me. he doesn’t have a fixed salary plus he has to cover all the expenses of the house since his father got  demoted and his job is more like ‘the more you work-the more you get paid’ kinda one”. “I barely feel any love from him anymore.” Shrisha complained. “oh! He loves you all right. He just needs some space to deal with his problems right now. Plus he functions differently from us. The more alone time he gets, the more relaxed he becomes so yea just wait a few more weeks and if he still ignores you, I’ll deal with him. After all you are my bestie.”
                It so happens that while Aryan had almost ignored Shrisha, Sacar had been her pillar of support. She’d go to him whenever she felt lonely and talk to her heart’s content with him. Yuuki on the other hand was getting worried about Aryan so much that she’d visit Aryan every evening and tried to make him come out of the house albeit be it for just a few minutes but she knew how Aryan was; stubborn and single minded. She’d get rejected every evening and yet she went there every evening just to see his face. Shrisha had been feeling kinda avoided and ignored by Aryan. She was hurt but she didn’t complain just cause she felt like she’d be bugging Aryan if she complained to him anymore. And besides she had been feeling kinda dejected and avoided by Aryan so she had her self-ego to fulfill. So  here the score remains ego-1, love-0.
Locked
I’ve been here
and all I do is stare
into the black space
and run in a race
with my own past and shadow self
yea I need help
but I don’t have anyone to turn to
not in the way I need so boo hoo
I should cry boo-boo
like the scooby dooby doo
still I’m here writing
still fighting
with my own self
just hope some elf
from the fairy-land will come and help
me run away from myself.
I’ve barely spoken to anyone
and anyone has barely come to my home
well that doesn’t include an idiot
who makes my hut
a merry shack
but still
my will
to do everything has suddenly vanished
and my name has been tarnished
like the king of darkness
-Roi de scuro

# 351
There he finally reveals his meaning. But what is this darkness that he’s talking about. At least he is not alone though unlike me. m always alone. He and his poems are the only solace that I have in this cruel world; in my desolate world. Thinking back I kinda have had this really bad dream where the loneliness never ends, the loneliness ain’t the sad part. The sad part is the feeling of hopelessness I get from the dream when I wake up. I have always been a loner. Some have even said that I am anti-social but that doesn’t even bother me, not even a little. Anyway peace out.
-halo

- Yakaa: Jujaan

a/n* the email is not a real one so don't even bother to send any e-mail to it. It will fail. if you want  my email. just comment. hehe.

and yea if you want some poetries here is the link to my other blog for poems. it is not regularly updated as this one so don't have your hopes up. On the plus point, i have a hell lota poems there so it ain't that bad either. hehe.
;)

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