EXISTENCE

Now at 20 years of age, he still has that wish that he had some twenty years ago. What was the wish you say? For that we have to go back thirteen years. It was a time when people rarely had mobile phone, any computer or MP3’s. it was a time of tape recorders and earphones.

     He was just seven years of age when he first saw a tape recorder. His brother bought some cassette albums to play with it. Even though it was somehow uneasy, they enjoyed. He looked up to this guy; his brother. While he was somewhat of a social outcast, his elder brother was a cool guy. His brother’s name was Roy. Roy had friends; he played, flirted, sang and enjoyed his life. He was somewhat interested in music. the younger brother (Peter) was interested in words. Roy never cared for Peter though. As a matter of fact, Peter was always a pebble in Roy’s feet. Roy always tried to hurt peter, be it emotionally or physically.

     Peter never knew his brothers emotions. He innocently created trouble for his older brother while searching for his acknowledgement. Peters search for acknowledgement created feud between the two brothers. They fought and damn they fought. While Peter fought with Roy for the meaning of his existence, Roy fought to let his anger out. Roy had always been the one to bottle up his anger and let it all out at once in a dangerous way. Peter always knew this and that’s the reason why he used to seek and fight Roy to let his anger little by little.

     Time passed and both of them grew up and both of them grew distant. While Roy wanted to do something drastic to cnahge his life, Peter was doing small things that changed his life in small but in significant ways. He began to sketch and write. Roy at this time resented Peter for he did everything that he couldn’t do(sketch and play with words). Peter knew this but he didn’t stop there for he needed Roy to acknowledge him. Roy’s internal rage for his younger brother heightened by his this act.

     Slowly by slowly his Roy’s resentment for Peter grew into a rivalry. So much that he didn’t even see his brother dive deep into depression or maybe he saw it but just didn’t wanna help him out. That’s for you to know. Peter changed at this time. The one ever-so-smiling turned into a gloomy. Peter turned into the shadow of his former self. But he still wanted one thing, his brother’s acknowledgement. Peter drank, he smoked, he got high to forget his sadness and he made friends to drink and smoke with among whom, few became real close. A lot happened to Peter but Roy was too busy in his own life to even care for Peter. Peter cared for Roy and that one thread hung their relation.

     Roy saw a light in Peter soon enough and started to give Peter lyrical poetries to write. Peter accepted them with joy. While in drunken state, Roy even smoke and drank with Peter but Peter saw through his façade.

     And now we’re at the present with peter standing alone in his terrace and smoking. Roy was drink and said one small phrase to him “who the hell are you to control me while I’m drunk?? You are not my brother.” Roy’s friends controlled the enraged one and made him sleep. At midnight with these words mingling in his head he smoked “I guess you never acknowledged my existence…”

-Seul Voyager